


Can I Trust You?

by BenjiWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adorable, Cute, Cute Ending, Cutesy, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, M/M, Male Friendship, POV Hinata Shouyou, Trans Character, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Male Character, for real, it just made me so happy to write this, written by an actual transman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29947668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenjiWrites/pseuds/BenjiWrites
Summary: Hinata really likes Kageyama, but he's worried about what might happen if Kageyama finds out that he's trans. He has to pick between two choices; either telling Kageyama and risking being ridiculed, or push Kageyama away to keep himself safe.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 93





	Can I Trust You?

Hinata stood in front of the mirror, turning back and forth, examining himself from all angles. When he was satisfied with what he saw, he smiled at himself. It was his first day of wearing his new binder, and he already liked it a lot more than his last one. This one made his chest look a lot better, flatter, not to mention the fact that it was much easier to put on than his last one. He picked up his yellow sweatshirt, looking at it. He usually wore it to help cover his chest, but this new binder felt like he could actually get away without it.

But not today. In the future, yes, but not today.

Pulling the sweater over his head, Hinata grabbed his bag, headed outside, and hopped on his bike to head to school. As he pulled up to the gates, he saw a familiar tall, dark headed boy.

“Hey, Kageyama!” Hinata yelled, jamming on his breaks so that he skidded up to Kageyama, spraying his shoes and the bottoms of his pants with dirt.

“You idiot! Why did you do that?” Kageyama began furiously beating at his pants, trying to knock the dirt out of them.

“Sorry,” said Hinata.

Suddenly, Kageyama stopped wiping off his pants. Squinting, he peered down at Hinata.

Hinata could feel his face starting to go pink. “W-what?” he stammered.

“Nothing.” Kageyama shrugged and straightened. “Something about you seems different, but I just can’t figure out what.” Hinata blanched. When Kageyama saw his face, he scowled. “‘Different’ isn’t a bad thing, stupid. Now let’s go, or we’ll be late.”

Without another word, Kageyama turned on his heel and headed into the school.

That afternoon, Hinata threw himself into practice in a way he never had before. While he could get away with wearing his sweatshirt during school, that wasn’t something that could fly during practice. Thus, the team were some of the few people used to seeing him in just a t-shirt, but also that meant he usually compensated by standing in ways to make sure his shirt didn’t fall too closely to his chest or anything. But today was different. With this new binder, he didn’t have to worry about his chest not being flat enough, leaving him to fully focus on volleyball.

Which is probably what led to him successfully completing a quick attack for the first time ever.

“Great job, you two,” said Daichi, giving Hinata and Kageyama a thumbs up. “Alright, lets clean everything up and head home.”

“But we only just got it!” Kageyama complained. “We can’t just stop now. Can we both stay late and keep practicing?”

“Please, Daichi?” asked Hinata, pouting slightly.

Daichi shook his head and laughed. “Fine, but don’t practice too late.”

~ ~ ~

“Just one more toss.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Please? I promise this is the last time!”

Kageyama sighed, then glanced at the clock and stiffened. “Holy shit!” he yelled. “Is it really past nine o’clock?”

“What?!” Hinata’s head whipped toward the clock hanging on the opposite wall. “Oh my god, my mom is going to kill me!” He ran across the gym, trying to pick up as many volleyballs as he could but managing to drop most of them in the process.

“You dumbass, you’re just making twice as much work for yourself.” Kageyama grabbed the basket they kept the volleyballs in and began wheeling it over to Hinata, who was stumbling toward him with an armful of balls. As he drew up to Kageyama, Hinata caught his foot on one of the legs of the basket. He fell, crashing into Kageyama and causing balls to go flying.

Hinata landed hard on his hands and knees, his legs between Kageyama’s and one hand on each side of his head. Frozen, Hinata stared down into Kageyama’s warm, dark eyes before flicking his gaze   
down to his lips. Kageyama tipped his head back slightly and gave Hinata a look that seemed to say, Do it. If there was one thing that Hinata had learned over the past few weeks, it was to do what his setter told him to.

Dipping his head, Hinata paused right before their lips touched. Kageyama immediately closed the gap, pressing his lips hard against Hinata’s, as if he couldn’t stand another moment of them being apart. Hinata had never been kissed before, but he liked the rough, desperate way Kageyama kissed.

Hinata felt Kageyama’s strong hands on his hips. They felt so good, so warm. But then, Kageyama was sliding his hands up, off Hinata’s hips and up towards his chest.

“No!” Hinata knocked Kageyama’s arms aside and threw himself backwards. There was a solid second where Hinata and Kageyama stared at each other before Hinata scrambled up from the floor and ran out of the gym.

“Wait!” Kageyama jumped up and ran after Hinata, kicking stray volleyballs out of the way. He paused in the doorway. Hinata was already at the bike rack. He ripped the bike from the frame, jumped on, and peddled away as fast as he could without looking back.

~ ~ ~

Hinata shoved his bike into the bike rack, then walked quickly toward the gym. He was a solid ten minutes late for class, but that was fine. He had been purposefully late to make sure he wouldn’t run into Kageyama in front of the school. Of course, there was going to be no way to get out of seeing him at practice later that afternoon, but that was a problem for Afternoon Hinata. Morning Hinata had very different problems, mainly being the fact that he had left his bag and school uniform in the clubroom the night before.

He climbed the stairs and entered the clubroom, sliding the door shut behind him.

“About time.” Hinata jumped. Kageyama rose from where he had been sitting on the floor next to Hinata’s things. “I knew you had to come and get this stuff at some point. I just didn’t think you’d go to such...lengths to avoid me.”

Hinata didn’t know what to say. What could he say? It was true.

“I-I’m sorry about last night,” Hinata said quietly.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Kageyama stiffly. “I just came to say that you owe me for having to clean up the gym all by myself last night.” He pushed past Hinata and moved toward the door. “See you at practice,” he said before leaving, closing the door a little harder than necessary.

A wave of sadness crashed down on Hinata. He’d messed everything up. He liked Kageyama--really, really liked Kageyama, and had for a long time. Now, in the span of twelve hours, he had kissed Kageyama, shoved Kageyama away, and avoided him in a way that hurt him. He wouldn’t blame Kageyama if he never wanted to kiss him ever again.

Slowly, he pulled his uniform on, then trudged to class, not caring when the teacher made him stand in the hall as punishment for being late. The day dragged on, Hinata’s head filled with different scenarios of how Kageyama might act toward him now that this catastrophe had happened. He could get so grumpy and irritable about the smallest things, so Hinata could only guess at how this would affect Kageyama’s mood during practice.

But when Hinata got to the gym that afternoon, he found Kageyama’s attitude to be the same as it had been over the past few weeks. He tossed to Hinata, ordered Hinata around, and generally acted as though the kiss had never happened. Everything was back to normal.

Or, it almost was. Though Kageyama was treating Hinata as he always did, he wasn’t as friendly as he usually was. During breaks, Kageyama usually sat next to Hinata on the gym floor, but today he was across the gym, talking to Suga and Tanaka. Hinata drew his knees to his chest, watching them.

It was okay. Kageyama had almost found out his secret, but he hadn’t. If he had, who knew what could have happened. Memories of the names his classmates used to call him in middle school flooded his mind. If the price of keeping himself safe was pushing Kageyama away a little, then so be it.

~ ~ ~

“Mom, where’s my binder?”

“What?”

“Where’s my binder?”

Hinata’s mother poked her head into the room. “Isn’t it right there, on your bed?”

“Not that one, the new one.”

“Oh, sweetie, you’ve been wearing that one every day for a week.”

“But--”

“It needs to be washed. You can wear your old one today and wear your new one again tomorrow. It’s just one day.”

Hinata gritted his teeth but said, “Fine.” Snatching the binder off the bed, he slipped it over his head and buttoned up the hook and eye clasps on the side. He frowned. He hated everything about the way this binder made him look. He felt his heart starting to beat harder, the way it did anytime his dysphoria started to act up.

Taking a deep breath, Hinata whispered to himself, “It’s okay. I’ll just bind a little tighter.” He quickly undid the clasps, then redid them on the smallest size. It was tough getting the last two clasps to fasten, but finally he did it. Slipping a t-shirt and sweater over his head, Hinata made his way out the door toward school.

Practice that afternoon was the same as the day before; Kageyama working with him and being plenty friendly during practice, but not being interested in him much outside of that. Hinata sighed. He’d liked the friendship Kageyama and he had started developing, but he guessed that friendship was over now. They would be teammates and no more.

“Our practice game against Nekoma and Aoba Johsai are coming up soon, so one of the things I want us to work on is stamina,” said Daichi. “That’s why I’m increasing our daily run from three miles to five.”

“Five miles?!” Tanaka yelled. “You gotta be kidding me!”

“If you don’t want to put in the work, we can always substitute someone in your place on the court,” Daichi said.

Tanaka mumbled something rude under his breath, but began jogging toward the front of the school, the rest of the team behind him.

Normally, Hinata and Kageyama would run side by side at the front of the pack, constantly vying to be the one in the front, but today Hinata lagged behind Kageyama, not much in a competitive mood. As the run wore on, Hinata drifted to the back of the pack, then started to lag behind. His binder felt so tight, like an anaconda that squeezes it's victim a little bit tighter every time it exhaled. He tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t manage much more than a wheeze.

“Come on, Hinata, hurry up!” he heard Nishinoya calling.

Things were getting a little fuzzy. “Coming,” said Hinata. He took a step. Dots swam across his vision. He fought the darkness that was closing in on him, and for a moment he thought he had won, but then the ground was rushing up toward him and everything went black.

~ ~ ~

A pulsing pain woke Hinata. He moaned and blinked open his eyes.

“Oh thank goodness, you're awake.”

Turning his head, Hinata saw his mother perched at the end of his bed.

“What happened?” he asked, sitting up.

“You passed out while on a run during practice.” She frowned at him. “You told me you weren’t binding at practice. You know it’s not safe, and this is exactly why.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Hinata stared down at his hands. He hoped his mother wasn’t going to ask him to promise not to do it again, because there was no way he could promise that.

Hinata’s mother stood up from the bed. “There’s a boy waiting for you downstairs.”

Hinata looked up. “What?”

“After you passed out, your team took turns carrying you home. They wanted to wait for you to wake up, but once it started to get dark, they had to leave. Except for one boy. I think his name was Kageyumi?”

“K-Kageyama?” Hinata stammered. “Oh, Mom, no! I can’t see him! He’ll ask questions about things that I don’t know how to--don’t want to answer…” His mind started to turn back to middle school again.

“You’re worried that your friends are going to treat you differently,” his mother stated. Hinata nodded. “There’s always a chance people won’t accept you when you show them you true self. It’s scary to be vulnerable, but that is how we find the people who are truly meant to be in our lives.” Hinata gave his mother a confused look. “What I’m trying to say is that you’ll never know if he’s a true friend if you don’t show him your true self.” She began walking toward the door. “Also, it would be rude to send him home after he’s been sitting downstairs for the past three hours.”

Hinata sighed. “Fine. Send him up.”

His mother smiled, then closed the door behind her. Hinata buried down deep beneath the covers until only his eyes peeked out. His mother must have removed his binder while he was unconscious because he wasn’t wearing it anymore and he didn’t want Kageyama to see anything. A few minutes later, his bedroom door opened and Kageyama stepped in.

“Hi,” said Kageyama. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Hinata lied. His head was pounding.

“Good.” There was a moment of silence. “What happened? Are you okay? I mean, you’re not sick or something, are you?”

Hinata looked up at Kageyama and the look of genuine concern on his face. “I’m not sick,” said Hinata. “I’m--I’m--” He tried to say it, but found that he could get the words to get past his lips. He pushed at them.

“So that means you’ll be fine to play our practice games, right?”

Hinata took a deep breath and pushed at the words again; this time he was able to push them out. “I’m trans.” It felt as though time had stopped. Hinata stared up at Kageyama, wide eyed, waiting for his reaction.

"Okay."

There was a moment of silence. "What?" said Hinata, stunned. "Did you hear what I just said?"

“Yes.” Kageyama blinked. “So are you going to be able to play our practice games?”

“Yes,” said Hinata slowly. Then, “You...don’t care?”

“Are you still going to play volleyball?”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t care.”

“Oh.” Hinata pulled the covers down a bit. “Then, I guess I should apologize.”

“For what?”

“For the other night. I--” Swallowing, Hinata continued. “I really liked kissing you, but then you were going to touch my chest and...I’m sorry.”

Hinata noticed that Kageyama balled his hands into fists. “No, I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I was angry, and I never thought that I could have done anything. I hurt you, and I am so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Kageyama looked away. Hinata could tell that he was mad at himself.

“I forgive you,” said Hinata. “Don’t be hard on yourself. This is half my fault. I should have been honest with you in the first place.”

Kneeling by his bedside, Kageyama said, “No. That’s something you tell someone when you’re ready. I’m just sorry that I put you in a position where you had to tell me before you were ready.”

“I’m glad I told you. You’re the first person outside my family who knows and accepts me. It’s really nice.”

Kageyama smiled. “Can I try kissing you again?”

Hinata nodded.

~ ~ ~

Kageyama kissed him again and again. Hinata giggled and tried to push Kageyama off him. All he managed to do was divert Kageyama’s kisses to his neck.

“Stop, we have to go to practice.”

“I don’t want to go to practice,” said Kageyama between kisses. “I just want to stay here and kiss my handsome boyfriend.”

A jolt of happiness pulsed through Hinata’s body. “I never thought I’d hear you say there was something you loved more than volleyball,” said Hinata.

Kageyama pulled back and gave Hinata a look. “Don’t get too cocky because you and volleyball are neck and neck.”

Hinata laughed. “Whatever, let’s just go to practice.”

Slinging an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders, Kageyama led Hinata around to the front of the gym.

“What were you guys doing back there?” Tanaka asked when he saw them emerging, a look of confusion on his face.

“Uh--” Hinata’s mind raced. He and Kageyama hadn’t told the team about their relationship yet.

“Hinata saw a bunny,” said Kageyama.

“A bunny? Cute!” Nishinoya bounded up beside them at the mention of the word ‘bunny’. "There aren’t that many around here. I wonder if it’s someone’s pet or something?”

They all made their way into the gym. “Are you ready?” Kageyama whispered in Hinata’s ear. Hinata nodded and clutched at his stomach. It was starting to hurt like it did when he was about to play a game, but there wasn’t much way around it. In the weeks since he had told Kageyama, he had become comfortable in the fact that Kageyama knew about him. Kageyama treating him exactly the same as before helped. It also made him think about whether or not the rest of his friends would accept him, too.

“Um...I have something to tell you guys,” Hinata said, drawing everyone’s attention away from their warm up drills. Now that everyone was staring at him, everything got ten times worse. His stomach cramped and he began to feel light headed. Was he going to pass out again?

Kageyama nudged him in the side. Hinata looked up at him and Kageyama gave him a smile. Hinata took a deep breath and began to speak. “Well...I thought that...because you guys are my friends...that you should know...that--that I’m trans.”

Hinata stared at the floor, terrified to look anywhere else. He felt a hand on his shoulder and recognized Daichi’s sneakers next to his.

“I believe that I speak to all of us when I say that we will all support you no matter what.”

“Yeah!” Nishinoya chimed in. “Besides, it’ll be great to have a girl on the team!”

“Do you think Hinata’s cuter than Shimizu?” asked Tanaka.

“Hmm. I’m not sure,” said Nishinoya.

The rest of the team also began talking, an excited chatter. Hinata stood there and stared at them for a full minute before bursting into laughter. The team turned to look at him.

“You guys,” he said between hiccups of laughter. “I’m not transitioning to be a girl.”

“Oh. Oh! Nice!” said Tanaka.

“You know, I actually think Hinata might be cuter than Shimizu, even if he is a boy,” said Nishinoya.

“See? Didn’t I tell you they’d support you?” Kageyama murmured in his ear.

“I never said they wouldn’t,” Hinata replied. “But that also doesn’t mean they would.” He thought for a moment, then laughed again. “I do think it’s funny that they were going to support my transition to becoming a girl. I guess that means I do pass, seeing as they apparently all thought I was born with a penis.”

Hinata realized that he was really happy, for the first time in a really long time. He had spent a lot of time being ridiculed by others, to the point that he thought there would never be someone who could accept him for who he was, nevermind a whole gym full. That’s how he suddenly found himself shouting, “Kageyama and I are dating, too!”

Kageyama slapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth. “You asshole! You said we weren’t going to tell anyone yet!”

Hinata pulled Kageyama’s hand away and kissed it. “I know, but I got so excited I couldn’t help it.”

“If we’re all confessing something, then I think Daichi and I should confess that we’ve been dating, too,” said Suga.

“Suga!” Daichi warned, a smile on his lips.

“Come on, let’s start practice already,” Kageyama said.

With a smile, Hinata followed his teammates out onto the court.


End file.
